hmmmm....

So not much is going on here lately... started going to the gym! It's really weird I have never had an urge to go work out - not even when I was in the military! But everyday here I sit waiting until I can go get on the treadmill and work out on the eliptical machine!!! It's a nice feeling...but very odd! But on a more depressing note... I have a 8-10 page research paper due next week :( I decided to write about George washington but I feel like there might not be enough info... there should be tho he was the first president! And even though it is due in a week, I am still procrastinating!!

It's nice to be home...and back to normal!

So, I know it's a little late but we got back from Florida on Friday morning; the trip back was kinda awful.... tiny planes, buzzing noises from the emergency door... not cool! It's crazy - I looked forward to the trip since like September of last year and then it kinda turned out to be more stressful than relaxing! But I am glad we all got together! Found out a lot of things that I never would have known... and got to spend some much needed time with my niece and nephew! YAY!!!

Kansas is being its normal self today with storms and tornados! EW! But one exciting thing that happened is Alexis laughed for the first time this afternoon! She was all smiley and making funny faces and I laughed and all of a sudden she just cracked up! It was one of the most amazing moments I have ever had in my life... she got kinda scared... had a look like, "what was that!" but she kept on laughing! So I called Armando and she wouldnt do it again! AND she has not laughed since! I kept asking her too but she wouldn't! :(

I am nuts!

So maybe I am nuts or maybe it is normal but it just does not seem normal!

I find myself thinking about all the bad things that "could" happen to Alexis... and me... I constantly worry about the "what ifs" and just horrible things that would probably never happen but in my head... oh my crazy little head!... they always happen! Last night I was laying in bed, please dont think I am nuts, and I layed there for hours playing an awful "what if" senerio in my head.

I was laying there thinking about going to walmart (there is like 5 different ones here), I was going to go to the walmart by Kohls because I needed to exchange an outfit anyway but as I kept thinking about it - I imagined that I parked on the right side of the parking lot and got out of the car, as I was walking around the back of my car to get Alexis out of the passengers side a car pulled up and a guy got out and grabbed me and as the car pulled away with me inside my poor little baby was still inside my car laying there with no one to help her. I thought about this repeatedly all night - my hands were sweating, I felt like I was going to puke and I caused myself to be in tears! I felt so bad for even thinking it. It's not something I want to happen, it is a crazy unbelieveable fear that I have... it's ridiculous! It's not the only one either, they range from someone breaking in the house, a car running through an intersection and hitting us, someone shooting a gun and it hitting the baby - I dont know what to do... I thought about going to talk to someone but then what am I going to tell them? That I am obsessively having horrible thoughts about what could happen!!!??? It just seems crazy when I think about it! I told my husband today and he was like I am sorry... but really he does not understand! He said he did not understand because he was not having them but that it would be ok... which is very nice of him but am I going to spend the rest of my life feeling like I am going to vomit from worrying??? I mean I am fine with a little worrying but this is NUTS!!! I feel better now that it is out of my head though! Thanks for listening to my crazy thoughts!

Kansas...

So last night there were storms all over Kansas, YAY! Not! It's kinda sad; we sit here every spring/summer time and wait for the tornado sirens to go off. Last spring, about this time, I was out in it all driving only to come back to base and find that even the cops were taking cover! It was crazy! So as we sat here last night and heard sirens from all around us go off the ones on base never did, Alexis was asleep and i just kept thinking about how much it would suck if a tornado actually did come and we had to go to the basement with her... scary! But it never happened. Now I sit here writing about all of this as she lays in her bed crying because she is tired but will not go to sleep!

She stopped so I need to go check on her! haha!

Bye for now.

Oh yea forgot to mention... ONLY 9 MORE DAYS TIL WE ARE IN FLORIDA!!!... It is just so exciting becasue we are all going to be together, kind of like old time just missing several people.

Shopping makes her puke???!!!

19 Feb 09

Wednesday I was shopping with Alexis, or rather she was shopping with me! Anywho... she was sitting in her car seat in the stroller and I was feeding her while looking for a bathing suit... a subject I will just leave alone right now... and I took the bottle out of her mouth and went to give her some tylenol, she had her first set of shots on Monday and was not feeling well for a couple days, so right after I squirted the tylenol in her mouth she puked all over herself :( She has been doing that and the doctor suspects it's a little reflux issue. Needless to say, we had to leave; you can't keep shopping after your child throws up all over themselves! So we went out to the car where I proceeded to get in the back seat with her and change her clothes and clean out the car seat. Oh and I forgot to mention it was like in the 70's here yesterday so it was really hot, in the car with the windows up! She has been doing better for the whole day that she has been on Zantac! I am hoping it helps because I just don't see how it could be ok for a baby to thrown up as much as she does!

That is all for now.

Friday the 13th!!!

It's Friday!!! It would be more exciting if my husband was going to be home this weekend but it's ok. I am kind of upset because it was really warm this morning and I was going to take the baby and dog for a walk but then after I got back home from visiting a friend it had gotten really cold out and cloudy. Kansas sucks! It is always either way too hot or way too cold :(

Only 29 days until we get to go to Florida!!!

I don't really have much to say today. The day has been pretty good; hope it can stay that way. I really want Armando to tell me he does not have to work tomorrow!

Happy Valentine's Day!!! :)

It must just be me or this dude is crazy!

Soooooo.... Armando is working 12 hour shifts until the end of time... weekends, weekdays, holidays, birthdays... it doesn't matter because he will be in the Record Room at the MAFB Medical Group! Which is ok except I am losing my mind slightly! lol It's really not funny but sometimes it is a little! I think about how upset I am about this and then I think about others who have had to do it much longer than just 12-20 hours a day, depending on if their husband has a class! But it's different to me... those people have husbands that are in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Presidents freakin living room... NOT THE MED GROUP TWO FREAKING MINUTES AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE FOR SOME BULLSHIT THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN CONTROL! I suppose I should explain a little more in detail! The people he works with decided to hide paperwork instead of filing it... silly people... and one of the people told the supervision... which is the right thing to do... but it has caused them to be very angry and make EVERYONE work with them. Leave it to the military to punish people who did nothing wrong! So as I am at home taking care of baby he is at work being tortured! It sucks for him. I have made it clear how I feel and he won't even let me near his supervision for fear that I will share my true feelings about their supervising tactics and get him in trouble... which is probably a pretty good assumption as I have very little control of my big mouth when I am upset. But anyway! This morning Alexis wouldn't stop crying and I was losing my mind so I told him at lunch that I was going to call him at like 630 am to ask him to come home because I was on the verge of pulling my hair out one by one and cutting my leg off... that is how bad she was crying. I feel bad because she has been crying and I am not sure what is wrong with her. I just suppose she likes to do it because she has already been fed, changed, burped, given gas relief medicine, boogers have been plunged from her nose and she is good to go... but apparently not! So after I told him that he was like I can't just leave work unless she is sick (which is not true because when I was in the military I left work for much less important things!) I told him that it's not like it was unimportant I was losing it! (Just to clarify for those who read this -- I would NEVER hurt my baby or myself) It was like he didn't care. Then, oh yes there is more, yesterday she had a check up and she has been like having projectile vomit so the doctor wants to do a sonogram to see if she has this muscly thing on the other side of her stomach that is blocking the milk from passing through - he said he does not think anything is wrong cuz he didn't feel anything but he wants to make sure which is fine by me - so today the scheduler called me and set up the sono for her and I told him. It's at 815 am so I would have to drive him to work since we only have one car - and keep in mind if she does have this thing she will have to have surgery to remove it and invasive surgery or not she is a month old! Well, when I told him he was like ok well you will just have to drop me off at work and I was like you mean you aren't going to go? He was like why would I, it's just an appointment! REALLY!!!! IS HE FREAKING KIDDING ME???? PLEASE TELL ME HE IS! No he wasn't! I was like you mean you aren't going to go, when they will at least point things out on the sonogram and give us an idea so the relief can take it's course or not so much. Needless to say I ended the phone call pretty quick and very teary eyed. I just feel like if he is able to go he should... at least to support me because if something is wrong I am going to be extremely upset and worried. Maybe it is just me and I am overreacting. I was even thinking before this whole phone call that I was being to hard on him about the work thing and maybe should ease up the bitchiness but nope, I don't think so now. Until he realizes that he is wrong in blowing off something medical for his daughter the bitch is here to stay... immature? Maybe, but at this point I feel like I don't care. So after that I text my friend and told her. She didn't ever respond but when I talked to him again about picking him up he asked if I had talked to her and it was very random so I think she showed him the text. Which is kind of messed up if she did but whatever. Ah, it feels nice to have all that out! I apologize to anyone who just suffered through that! lol

Very enjoyable!

So this weekend was one of the best weekends I have had in a while! On Friday Armando, Alexis and I went out to dinner... mostly because I didn't want to go grocery shopping and we had no food to make anything... so we all went out and got something to eat! Saturday I got my hair done, it was only $37 to get my hair dyed and highlighted at the beauty school. Surprising they did an amazing job. I was kind of scared at first but there are instructors that walk around and they help the students if they have questions and then before you can leave an instructor has to check your hair and sign off on your paper saying what you want done. I got my hair dyed a darker brown and got some red highlights put in it...I took a picture but you can't really see the red. Then later that night I went out with my friend Lyndsey. We went and got something to eat, went to the movies to see Mall Cop (it was pretty funny!) and we went to the theatre bar and had a couple of drinks. I have not been out of the house without the baby or my husband since we had Alexis and I am not sure how I feel about it! I mean it was wonderful to get out and spend time with my friend and have fun but the whole time I was wondering about Alexis and Armando and I kept texting him to see if everything was ok! Then Sunday we went to a guys house that Armando works with to watch the Superbowl. There was another couple there, another girl was there and then the guys wife was also there. I don't really get along with women very much but I did good. I think Armando was as surprised as I was! Now it's Monday and I am sitting here avoiding homework and watching TV!

Maybe I am wrong...

So yesterday when my husband came home from work he was really tired. The night before was a little rough because he actually slept in the bedroom and Alexis screamed all night so he didnt get much sleep. Then at like 5am the Wing Commander decided it would be fun to have a recall and he had to go into work. So, him being tired is understandable. So he sat down on the couch and fell asleep, he told me to wake him up at 6pm, so I did. I told him it was 6 and I asked him if he wanted to take Alexis; he said no. So I was like oh ok, and walked away. He must have felt guilty because he was like I will take her, I am just tired. I was like no its ok, you are tired get some rest. But inside I was to my boiling point. So I just stay at home all day and take care of the baby... I try to do school work but by the time I am in the middle of it she starts crying, I attempt to clean while she is napping but it seems like I never get anything clean! I am up all night and all day with her and usually I dont get to sleep until like midnight, get up about 3 times during the night and then we wake up all early because she doesnt want to be in bed anymore! So yea, he goes to work but is what I do not considered work of some kind? Yea I don't wake up everyday and put on a uniform anymore but I am lucky if I have the energy to change my clothes or the time. I never believed people when they said you will start weighing what's more important, I thought I would be able to get everything done! It just upsets me that he only wants to give me a break on the weekends... all I want is enough time to take a relaxing bath without feeling rushed.

How do people do this with more than one??!!!

So... I love my daughter, Alexis, more than anything in the world. Next, I suppose, would be my husband, Armando! BUT!! Adjusting to having a newborn is definately hard for me to do! I always thought it would be just the easiest thing, I have taken care of many small children but what I didn't realize was that taking care of my nieces and taking care of MY daughter is different! I spent almost the ENTIRE night last night being awake with her while she screamed... it was very frusterating. Most of the time I wanted to cry too, in the past week I have had less sleep than when I was a wild partying teenager and only slept a couple hours each night! Exhaustion is not even a good enough word to describe it. But never-the-less I love her and she is just the cutest little girl I have ever seen. No matter how much she screams because she has the worst gas ever, I still love her!

Now to complain about the state of Kansas! I need to be away from here, it is ridiculous. There is nothing to do and I dislike it here very much. I am hoping that the Air Force fixes everything of my husband's that they have messed up and we can request a move. Tampa, Florida is where I am shooting for. My mom is down there and the beach is down there. Plus right now it is like 2 degrees here with ice everywhere, in Tampa is it not 2 degrees and there is sand everywhere! My mom is hoping for that to happen also because while she is down there in the Winter she would like to be able to see her granddaughter, I would like that too. The only bad part is that my dad is down there with her in the Winter and it would make me sad to see him reject his grandchild because her dad is Panamanian. But I suppose life goes on!

I am going to stop complaining for now, I am sure there will be more later! :)